Ok,so this is my journal where I write about shit and work everything out. So what absolutely scares the hell out of me besides lightning? Serious relationships! There I finally admit it! You say soulmate... I say best male friend??? I am strictly a friends first kinda gal. I mean what is wrong with getting to know someone first, being friends? I guess I am not like most women. I am not a clingy person, when someone starts acting like they own someone, demanding to know their every move, accusing and all that shit, I cringe! why??? Why would you want to own someone like they are a possession? Why would anyone want to put restrictions on someone or refuse to allow them to be themselves? Why would anyone want to change someone?
Correct me if I am wrong but isn't the point of having a relationship or friendship with someone have to do with accepting them for who and what they are, not being judgemental and embracing differences and new qualities that others bring into your life? Peoples differences opposites especially should complement each other. In the past when men tried to do that to me I ran like hell. Why do women think their man has to be under their thumb and vice versa, if someone wants to go do something or if they travel for a living for God sakes let them do what they want or need to do. If there is no trust then why stay with someone to begin with? The pic of Conan Obrien shows my expression when it comes to people and relationships. Totally befuddled, and confused. Why the hell can't people just enjoy each other? I just don't get it!
I have a male friend who may very well be a soul mate, this friend is someone I see as a possible great friend, a great friend to work with on a project that we both very much believe in. But that doesn't mean we are going to have a love relationship. Soul mates can be best friend ya know... Ok so maybe my version of it...
I have a great job with a company lots of people would love to work for, I am good at my job and I get paid damn good money to do it.I have great benefits, I have been single for years, and raised my kids pretty much on my own. I worked hard for my freedom. I have a good future ahead of me and if I get my ass in gear and focus, a promising career as a writer. Forever I have been free to do what ever I want without jealousy and chains binding me. So giving up my freedom terrifies me. So if someone wanted me to be more than friends they would have to really try. But they would have to have their own interests and carrer and not expect us to be together 24/7. Why can't people be like that? I guess just admitting that relationships scare me and why is a big step but it doesn't change anything. So for all those who wonder when Maria is gonna settle down and find a man. Who knows, I don't really think about it unless people pester me about it 24/7!!! So for the men in my life, friends first, good luck getting much more serious than that and if you can than you are the one man in the world who shares some of my views and are probably similar and yet opposite of me.
Other than that I am a great friend. I am clown, silly as hell, always joking around and having fun. I can be serious too and buckle down and get things done when necessary. I don't like to judge people and I like having people around who are opposites because we create a balance.
There is one more thing I avoid like the plague. That is sitting in the back of the bus. The back seat goes all the way across and if you sit in the very middle and are short like me and your feet don't quite touch the floor and the bus stops fast you will be thrown out of the seat and down the center isle. It almost happened to me. Just for the record I am 5' tall and my feet touch the ground when I sit anywhere else on the bus except for the back seat!
Well I gotta go wash dishes and straighten up the house. I will write more later.
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