I haven't lost that fire

A few months ago I spoke to my ex's and they said pretty much the same thing to me. They said they didn't realize what they had until it was gone, and they both told me never to lose that fire, the fire and passion that sets me apart from everyone else. They both told me I will always be their little Gypsy girl.

So I sit here and look around me and as I mentioned before I got so caught up in work and family and the every day things I started to put aside the things that make me unique. I look around at my house, I've always decorated and made it beautful. I've always had my red and black velvets and satins, beautiful pictures, crystals etc. Ever since I moved into this house a year ago I haven't decorated, at all.

Maybe it was because Tyler was here and I was about ready to move if he didn't but he is gone and it is just me, my daughters and granddaughters. Maybe too it was because I was so sick. My asthma was really bad, worse than it has ever been since the chemical exposure, all the medicine I had to take made me feel really bad and made me gain weight.But thanks to yoga, my asthma is improving and my lungs are stronger. In fact it may even heal the damage the chemical exposure had done to my lungs. I am feeling better, I have thyroid pills now becuz my thyroid quit as well. I am working out, feeling great, won't be long until the weight is gone. People think I am pretty even if I am not at the weight I should be. Men flirt with me all the time. Go figure...But I am healing... and I am feeling like to my old self again. The gypsy girl is still here, just hidden for awhile.

I am about to sign a new lease for another year here at this house. In January things will be better for me financially, and healthwise. I think I will decorate and make this place beautiful. The girls have the same taste as I do. So I will get new furniture and red and black velvet and satin curtains etc. (some people would say red and black? yep and it looks beautiful, not cheesy. I will decorate with my crystals, and swords, flowers and plants. I will even paint my own pictures for the walls. Yep I paint, it's been awhile. The landlord said we could paint if we want so we will. I will turn Chloe's room into a fairyland, with murals of plants and fairies and glitter for fairy dust. A beautiful canopy of blue and purple above the bed her mom made for her. We will decorate for Hannah too. When Nancy gets her place I will take her room and decorate it and make it my own little sanctuary. I will also plant a garden in the back yard and put beautiful flowers in the front.

A friend of mine sent me some reading material. I think he may be the one to teach me the things I need to know. It has to be some one I trust. When he sent me the material he told me the author had a lot of meaning to him. The author has been considered rather dark and controversial among many. I emailed him asked him why the author had meaning to him and I asked him what his views were on the reading material and the author. I think he may have taken that the wrong way. See I understand the author and the sybolism in his writing. I understand quite a bit about the author and the material. I studied under a certain someone for at least 9 years. I can see why the author would have meaning to my friend. I wasn't going to be judgemental. I try never to judge anyone or anything. I would never judge him. I don't form my opinions about things like a lot of people do. I can't I am different, I am a lot like he is. I hope he understands that. I truly want to hear his views because I think he is an amazing, talented man, I think he will have some awesome ideas, and can make a huge impact on people. I hope he doesn't judge me and assume that I am like everyone else. One day when we meet in person he will know immediately that I am different.

Well, I am going to go look at some different web sites and see how I want to decorate next month. Maybe I will post pics of stuff I find.

Hugs,
Maria