Confusion

Just when you think you have things figured out something always happens to throw you into a state of confusion. I really thought I had my head on straight when it came to relationships, I mean I know what I want from a relationship that is a no brainer, and I really didn't care if I found the right man or not. Then all of a sudden someone from the past comes back into my life, someone who when we were together, everything was awesome, it was the one time in my entire life that I was really truly happy. Then because of other peoples jealousy it all blew up, exploded into chaos, and then nothing.... So much bullshit, so much confusion, both of us too stubborn and proud to try to make sense of things and to work things out. If I knew then what I know now it may have been so much easier to see through the shit. But who knows. There were forces beyond our control at work at the time. But I had given up along time ago on ever getting back together with him. Not only that he was the father of 2 of my kids.

There were things, spiritual things I had to work on, things I still have to work on. But those things and the people involved seem to be at a standstill in a way. I know we have lots of different soulmates, not all are lovers, some are for work and spiritual reasons others for love. So now I have I to wonder if we are soulmate lovers or not. The circumstances in which he returned are unusual in a way, and totally unexpected, but right now I don't know which way to go. I am at the dreaded crossroads, maybe it wouldn't hurt for me to sit here at the crossroads a little while longer till things become more clear. I asked for a sign, so now I am hoping one will be given.

Why is it that I am so damn good at predicting others paths for them and when it comes to my own I can be a complete moron? Talk about brain farts and shit. I am just sitting here going Duh!!! What the fuck do I do? Which way do I go? Who knows, I guess I will meditate on it a little more and see. Maybe I need to go sit up on the roof tonight and see if that brings some clarity. All this from someone who thought she knew for sure exactly where she was headed. my psychic is no help, there are some things she can't tell me. Which is cool, I know how that goes, but I need a clear path, I need to know without a doubt which direction to take. God I hate this shit! Oh well, it's not like a decision needs to be made today. The pull towards my ex is really strong, it's not a financial thing or anything I may be layed off but I am not broke, all of that crap is falling into place. I have a feeling a job will be in the works very soon.

I just wish I had an answer.... oh well

Wish me luck, I really feel the need for a sign or an answer on which way to go.
Hugs,
Maria