So last update I was in a state of confusion, and between that and Sparky's incesant complaining, yep at 10:00 PM he was still carrying on, I was about to lose my mind. The tension in the air from his negativity was so bad I thought my ears were going to start bleeding. (figure of speech of course)
anyway before I go on, watch this quick video because Sparky is almost like Jeff Dunhams Character Walter only his voice is a little gruffer and deeper and he even looks like Walter. Imagine hearing this 24/7, only not as funny.Anyway... I went up on the roof to try to relax, and center and just try to make sense of all the confusion. I listened to some songs from my favorite band Iconcrash
and immediately felt better. It was beautiful on the roof. The night sky clear, nice and cool out. So I got to thinking about shit and things were clear again.
My ex is definitely not the one for me, getting back together would not work out. The past was the past, I don't want to go back, what's the point? We talked and he remembers me in his own way. I was this mysterious, crazy, wild gypsy girl. Everyone said I reminded them of Stevie Nicks, but with dark hair. Well, I knew Stevie, but I never tried to be like her, I was just me. But to him I was his gypsy girl. He saw a video of Stevie singing Rooms on fire which reminds him of me as do all of her songs. But he says the rooms really were on fire eveytime I walked into a room, he says I always turned heads and and commanded attention. He says I was magical, not just that I practiced it but I was magical and just had a huge presence where ever I went. Here is the video he saw. I love the dresses on hereby the way.
I am still the same girl only much older, and wiser. But he and I just wouldn't work.
I guess every now and then I just get tired of being alone, but then that is my choice. I have plenty of opportunities to be with someone, but I don't want to be with anyone until the right person comes along. I am just not up for the drama of being with someone just because I didn't want to be alone. My path is really involved there are things I can't share online that are involved, not a bad thing, it is what it is, and so not just anyone can be the right man. I know this, and so do others close to me. But sometimes every now and then you really just want to find that special someone. Oh well the time will come...
The lay off is really no big deal, still it pisses me off the way Amex treats it's customers and employees, which is all the more reason I am glad I am not employed by them. I am set financially, I don't have much, just enough to get by and keep things going until I get a job. The jobs sucked last week but there are some better ones available now. I am not really worried about being hired. So that is really not the cause of my confusion. What I need is a good work out everyday, and time out to relax and unwind before I get back to work. I never realized how much working at American Express was wearing me down until I was laid off. Wow! So now I put it all behind me and I am ready for a new start. I need to finish my novels and become a published writer, and find something to do in the meantime that won't drain me too much.
Well, I better get my butt in bed, I am feeling much better now!
Big Hugs,
Maria
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